Explanation of nothingness.

I suppose I ought to explain. I am 37 and suffer from depression? and health anxiety. Many of you reading this will not understand, many of you will. My life revolves around my husband and children they are all that I live for and the only thing that keeps me alive. Without them I am not only an empty shell but a dead one. This is honesty speaking, if I didn't have them a few bottles of painkillers and a few bottles of vodka would be my only friends. An easy way out? Maybe, but then I am a coward and I always have been. I don't expect or want sympathy, I don't want people to tell me 'what a lovely person' I am because I know I am not.